Go alone

Some right little rays of wisdom plopped into my lap today.  The pearlized bitties of knowledge were things that I already knew, things that already made sense, and things that shouldn't have had to be explained to me yet again.

But there I go.  I am one of those guys that bears having things repeated to him because hey presto, saying it once, saying it twice isn't going to be sure it's a saving grace in my brain.  No.  It has to be repeated and added upon, expanded upon, and examined with a different perspective. That perspective changes often, so it bears repeating: repetition works for me.

Lisa was able to make it into a doctor's office today.  The hours after the last time we talked online, she was able to reach the clinic and finally make it in to get an evaluation done.  After x-raying and much hemming and hawing, "there aren't any problems, but we'll send you in for physical therapy."  We already knew she didn't have any broken bones.  We already know she doesn't have any compound fractures of her vertebrae sticking out her backside.  We know that her skeleton is holding up alright.

What we don't know is why Lisa hurts so much.  I started last week with 60 percocet pills to cope with my hip surgery.  I counted today how many pills we have left in my bottle.  Minus three pills that I've given my darling, we've gone through enough to leave a remainder of only 15.  Lisa takes one percocet per day, usually in the early afternoon when she is hurting the most.  What is hurting her?

Her pain is obviously soft-tissue derived.

When the doctor said that there isn't anything to be done but go through physical therapy, it goes beyond frustrating.  It's numbing and hurtful and sad and wasteful.  It's all of that and more.  I hate it.

I'd like one day to be able to manage all of this myself - ourselves.  When Lisa and I don't have to depend on chemicals, people, tools, kids, whatever, to get through the day.  I learned today that sometimes that isn't how things are supposed to work out.

Pearly bit of wisdom.

We aren't supposed to go it alone.  None of us are.